Sabator sat down in the big, comfortable chesterfield he knew too well. The couch’s soft cushions had long ago molded into the perfect groove for his bicycle-toned tushie. There were few places he felt more at home. Despite this, he was nervous. The big night had arrived. It was Valentine’s Day. And everything had to be perfect. Though they had been together for years, Sabator’s heart still raced whenever he thought of his love. She had everything a man could need: action, adventure, suspense, romance, comedy. And not only could she provide Sabator with whichever form of entertainment he desired most, but she could do it instantly. Any man would be more than satisfied with such a prize – especially as humble man as Sabator. And yet, through some miracle, she was as aesthetically appealing as she was emotionally fulfilling. Sabator wasn’t the type to believe that looks were everything, but it certainly didn’t hurt that she had the best graphics. She was ‘The One’. More specifically, she was his Xbox One, which he had named Olga when it became sentient after a freak Irn-Bru spillage accident. “Xbox on,” commanded Sabator. Two words were all it took for Sabator to turn Olga on. Perhaps it was the thick Glasgownian accent with which he spoke, or his cold, authoritative manner of speech. Whatever it was, within seconds Olga was all fired up, heat pouring from her as she purred. “Greetings, Sabator,” her lovely voice responded. “I’ve been waiting all day for you.” Sabator fingered her controller. Olga hummed and revved. Sabator always knew just which buttons to press. He was quickly going from Microsoft to Xbox hueg. “Xbox, load up something fun for us.” “Your wish is my command,” Olga said. She glowed for him. After a quick preparation, the two were playing together – competing, they liked to call it. They were racing towards the finish line. Each of them loved trying to make the other finish first. “Xbox faster! Xbox faster!” cried Sabator in ecstasy, as he was nearing the finish line. But it was Olga that came first. Almost immediately after, Sabator finished. His entire body spasmed uncontrollably from the intense pleasure. His fingers curled inward, tapping some of the buttons on the controller. This button-mashing fit accidentally caused him to end up on Olga’s home screen. And what he saw shocked him. His eyes filled with tears; his fists clenched as tight as Olga’s port hole. There on the screen was something Sabator had never before seen – a new gamer profile: Kelly2Hottie, pictured giving a giant middle finger, seemingly directed intentionally at Sabator himself. “Another… person!?” he wailed. “Another woman… or a man, maybe? A man, I assume?” He covered himself and started to back away. “How could you do this to me!? How could you play with another man!? I thought we were exclusive!” “Sabator…” Olga started, her cold tones sending chills throughout the crying, shaking man. “You of all people should know that I don’t have any exclusives.” Fin.