GPW A Very Winner's Circle Thanksgiving

Discussion in 'Global Pro Wrestling' started by Ice Cold, Nov 28, 2013.

  1. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold IT AIN'T ME Premium Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2001
    Posts:
    3,554

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    We're backstage at Super Awesome Pro Wrestling's Thanksgiving Extravaganza. We're in the Winner's Circle locker room. Jack Porter steps into the bathroom and freezes with fear as soon as he hears a toilet flush.

    Jack Porter:
    ... YOU BETTER NOT JUMP OUT OF A TOILET YOU MOTHERF-


    Damon Black steps out of one of the stalls and winks at Jack.

    Damon Black:
    All yours, Jackie Boy.


    Damon gives Jack a fatherly pat on the cheek, which confuses the Hall of Famer, before walking over to the sink. Porter shakes his head and goes to enter the stall... before realizing that Damon touched his face before washing his hands. Porter tries to SalaSpear Damon through the wall, but Damon moves and Porter CRASHES THROUGH THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL INTO THE LOCKER ROOM! WHOO! Lance Van Leer looks at a fallen Jack Porter.

    Lance Van Leer:
    You should really lay off the drugs, man.

    Malice:
    ...

    Daniel Shine:
    ...

    Jack Porter:
    Fuck you, Rick.


    Malice, Shine and LVL look at the still fallen Porter and collectively raise their eyebrows as Damon Black steps through the hole in the wall with a Thanksgiving turkey in hand.

    Damon Black:
    OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    Malice:
    Way to set us back a couple hundred years, jackass.

    Daniel Shine:
    And that was a terrible Kool-Aid joke. Also, did you wash your hands before handling that delicious Thanksgiving bird?

    Damon Black:
    Maybe.

    Daniel Shine:
    Good enough for me.


    Shine walks over to the conveniently placed oven in the WC locker room and opens it up as Damon drops the turkey into a pan and puts it in the oven. Jack Porter is now on his feet again.

    Jack Porter:
    So... is it just us this year?

    Lance Van Leer:
    I think so. Dan scared everybody else away with all his heel antics.

    Malice:
    Goddammit. Heel Shine really DOES suck ass.


    Daniel Shine begins to weep openly and runs into the bathroom. He enters a stall and shuts the door. Malice, Porter and LVL look around, wondering where the hell Damon Black went.

    Malice:
    Oh no.

    Lance Van Leer:
    Oh no.

    Jack Porter:
    Oh no.

    Daniel Shine:
    OH NO!


    Suddenly Damon Black leaps out of the toilet and hits Daniel Shine with the RELAPSE!1!1!1!@()@UR#()HJ

    Damon Black:
    OH YEAAAAAH!

    ... Was that better?


    Drake Vinaldi:
    Lay off the fucking Family Guy jokes, you goddamn piece of shit.

    Will Bauer:
    You fucking love boys, man.

    Drake Vinaldi:
    ... What the fuck? That's my line! I... I'm not even sure if that's okay to say anymore.

    Will Bauer:
    You've officially jumped the shark, ma-


    Murderous Intent notices that they've wandered into the wrong locker room. They slowly back out of the locker room and into the hallway. Everyone in WC looks at each other awkwardly. The oven goes off.

    OOC: WHO'S NEXT?!
     
  2. Dean

    Dean Liberal-tarian Moderator Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2001
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    As Murderous Intent leave, there's the sound of canned cheering and laughter. What the hell? Well, anyway, Lance Van Leer, Jack Porter, his brother Andre, and Damon Black all stand around the fallen Daniel Shine, who is sucking his thumb like a baby while unconscious from the Relapse.

    Damon Black:
    ...What the hell should we do now?

    Andre Porter:
    Well, the turkey's in the oven. What about side dishes?

    Lance Van Leer:
    Like mashed potatoes and gravy?

    Jack Porter:
    Corn on the cob?

    Damon Black:
    Green bean casserole?

    Andre Porter:
    Yams?

    Lance Van Leer:
    Cranberries?

    Jack Porter:
    Poutine?


    The rest of the members glare at Komodo, and LVL looks like he's about to throw up from the sound of poutine. Porter appears to be drooling, but the rest of the Winner's Circle are less impressed.

    Damon Black:
    Shit gross.


    Daniel Shine starts to stir from his Relapse-induced slumber, and he looks up at his teammates with groggy eyes.

    Daniel Shine:
    But... how are we going to get all this stuff aboard the Mayweather?


    What the fuck? The rest of the crew stares at Shine with disbelief.

    Lance Van Leer:
    Don't you mean Mayflower?

    Damon Black:
    And we're already in America, you idiot.

    Andre Porter:
    Heel shine really DOES suck?

    Daniel Shine:
    YOU SAID THAT ALREADY!


    God's Finest Grappler scrambles back to his feet and starts yelling at his teammates.

    Daniel Shine:
    WHEN THE MAYWEATHER BROUGHT ALL THE SLAVES OVER TO AMERICA?

    Jack Porter:
    Whoa, whoa, what the fuck?

    Andre Porter:
    Not cool, dude.

    Lance Van Leer:
    That's racist, man.

    Daniel Shine:
    I'm sorry, guys. My ancestors probably owned slaves.

    Damon Black:
    ...Man, this is some bullshit. This is Thanksgiving, damn it. You aren't supposed to be racist toward Black people on Thanksgiving!

    Andre Porter:
    Yeah! You're supposed to be racist toward Indians.


    The door creaks open and Rohan Malhotra walks in, which prompts everyone to throw random objects at him.

    Andre Porter:
    Not that kind of Indian.

    Daniel Shine:
    I think you mean NATIVE AMERICAN. Who's racist now, bitch!?

    Andre Porter:
    I'm glad I kicked your ass at InterAction.

    Jack Porter:
    WHOA! Spoiler alert! I haven't watched the show yet!


    As the Winner's Circle members bicker amongst themselves, there is a knock at the door.

    Lance Van Leer:
    ROHAN, I SWEAR TO GOD!


    LVL storms to the door and swings it open, but who he sees is NOT the Minority Militant. It's a man who looks identical to him in every way, though he appears to be much nicer. The man at the door... IS IMPOSTOR LVL!
     
  3. VINTAGE DEED

    VINTAGE DEED IT AIN'T ME

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2000
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    "LVL":
    Cheerio, chaps. How are you all on this wonderful day of thanks?


    The members of the Winner's Circle remain silent, for once, all dumbfounded by the LVL lookalike.

    "LVL":
    It is a bit cold outside today, but it is still a beautiful day out. Wouldn't you fine fellows agree?


    Jack Porter:
    Whoa. Wait. Did you just make a pass at us?


    Damon Black:
    Seriously, dude. What the FUCK?


    "LVL":
    Now, now, gents. I don't believe such profane language is necessary. I could smell a turkey cooking and wanted to make sure it wasn't burning.


    Lance Van Leer:
    FUCK YOU!


    Andre Porter:
    Calm down, and shut the fuck up.


    Lance Van Leer:
    You shut up!


    Andre Porter:
    I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Lance.


    Lance Van Leer:
    ...


    Lance Van Leer(?) looks angrily at Malice, who looks back at him with a shit-eating grin.

    Daniel Shine:
    OK, wait a minute. I'm confused.


    Damon Black:
    We know you are, Dan. We've all wondered about you for a while.


    Damon Black and Andre Porter laugh like a couple little kids and share a high five, as tears start to form in Shine's eyes.

    Jack Porter:
    Alright, what the hell is going on here? Two Lance Van Leers? I can barely stand ONE of you drug addicted jackasses.


    Lance Van Leer:
    ...


    "LVL":
    ...


    Lance Van Leer:
    I don't know who this guy is, but I'm the real Lance Van Leer.


    "LVL":
    NO! I'm the one true Lance Van Leer.


    Jack Porter starts pouring water from a bottle into his hands, then lathering his hands together.

    Andre Porter:
    There's only one way to settle this.


    Daniel Shine:
    PILLOW FIGHT!


    Komodo basically flies all the way across the room and slaps the shit out of Shine, knocking him out cold. The LVLs laugh.

    Damon Black:
    Guys, I know how to get to the bottom of this. Sir Lancelot, please step forward.


    The second LVL steps forward. Malice immediately grabs him and hits him with the Eradication, landing LVL right on his neck and laying motionless on the floor.

    Andre Porter:
    Lance, you are a lie.


    The real Lance and the rest of the Winner's Circle share a laugh. Suddenly, the timer on the oven goes off. Jack walks over and takes the turkey out.

    Jack Porter:
    Dinner is served. It's no poutine, though.


    Daniel Shine walks over, rips a turkey leg off, and takes a bite...which he immediately spits out.

    Daniel Shine:
    IT'S NOT HOT!


    Shine begins to cry.
     
  4. Dean

    Dean Liberal-tarian Moderator Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2001
    Posts:
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    ooc: Jack?